Raven's Brain v1.0: Personal Growth

Hey You! July is National Cell Phone Courtesy Month

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 16:25:47 GMT

Hmm, it's July 5th and I *just* heard that July is National Cell Phone Courtesy Month. Obnoxious cell phone users are a serious source of frustration here in Seattle, and I suspect we're not alone. I'm hoping more newsies will cover the story of this month-long effort and highlight the need for better etiquette when using their moile phone, but as we continue to live in our own bubbles and ignore common courtesy, I wonder what impact this initiative will really have..

I visited the page dedicated to the cause and found a list of common sense tips for using your mobile phone without annoying those around you - This means YOU, guy at the video store yesterday, using speakerphone to decide what to watch..really? Speakerphone? Are we that lazy that we can't even hold the phone up to our ears anymore? Might I at least suggest a headset? That way the entire video store won't have to listen to your thoughts on every single movie you touch. But I digress.. Here are thirteen common sense tips created by Jacqueline Whitmore, "one of the nation's foremost experts on etiquette and protocol", in honor of National Cell Phone Courtesy Month (July):

Be all there. When you're in a meeting, performance, courtroom or other busy area, let calls go to voicemail to avoid a disruption. In some instances, turning your phone off may be the best solution.
Keep it private. Be aware of your surroundings and avoid discussing private or confidential information in public. You never know who may be in hearing range.
Keep your cool. Don't display anger during a public call. Conversations that are likely to be emotional should be held where they will not embarrass or intrude on others.
Learn to vibe. Use your wireless phone's silent or vibration settings in public places such as business meetings, religious services, schools, restaurants, theaters or sporting events so that you do not disrupt your surroundings.
Avoid "cell yell." Remember to use your regular conversational tone when speaking on your wireless phone. People tend to speak more loudly than normal and often don't recognize how distracting they can be to others.
Follow the rules. Some places, such as hospitals or airplanes, restrict or prohibit the use of mobile phones, so adhere to posted signs and instructions. Some jurisdictions may also restrict mobile phone use in public places.
Excuse yourself. If you are expecting a call that can't be postponed, alert your companions ahead of time and excuse yourself when the call comes in; the people you are with should take precedence over calls you want to make or receive.
Send a message. Use Text Messaging to send and receive messages without saying a single word.
Watch and listen discreetly. New multimedia applications such as streaming video and music are great ways to stay informed and access the latest entertainment. However, adjust the volume based on your surroundings in much the same way that you would adjust your ringer volume. Earphones are a great way to avoid distracting others in public areas.
Alert silently. When using your phone's walkie-talkie feature, send the person you're trying to reach a Call Alert before starting to speak. If you're around other people, turn off your phone's external speaker and use the vibration setting to minimize any disturbance and to respect your contact's privacy.
Be a good Samaritan. Use your cell phone to help others. According to CTIA, The Wireless Association, more than 224,000 calls a day are made to 911 and other emergency numbers by mobile phone users who report crimes and potentially life-threatening emergencies.
Focus on driving. Practice wireless responsibility while driving. Don't make or answer calls while in heavy traffic or in hazardous driving conditions. Place calls when your vehicle is not moving, and use a hands-free device to help focus attention on safety. Always make safety your most important call.
Spread the word. Discuss cell phone manners with friends and family members. Tell them that you are practicing new wireless phone etiquette rules and offer to share them (www.sprint.com/etiquette).
Read more here: http://www.etiquetteexpert.com/cellphone.html

At the link above you can learn more about why the campaign was created, listen to a podcast with etiquette tips and, more importantly, you can take the cell phone etiquette quiz to see if you know the "best" ways to be courteous and avoid offending others when talking on your mobile phone. As you probably noted above, these are basic, seemingly "no-brainer" steps you can take, and the quiz, though pretty basic, can help expose your own behavior and thoughts on "appropriate" cell phone usage. It's unfortunate that so many folks are annoying many more folks with their cell phone behavior, and pretty pathetic that a month-long campaign was established to combat our r-u-d-e behavior.

Ok, putting soap box away..

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Cell Phone Month, Cell Phone Etiquette, Common Courtesy

Failing Forward: 4 Reasons Failure Can Be Positive

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:40:48 GMT

Search queries containing the words "fail","failure" or "failing" have been growing since my post on failure last month. In that post are links to a few more posts with a focus on "failing forward", and here is one from The Positivity Blog: 4 Reasons Why Failure is Pretty Awesome. It discusses some reasons one might stop looking at failure as a way of learning:

Being too hard on oneself.
School and society grades us and makes failure something bad.
The ego helps to develop a victim identity.
It’s not “normal”.
Too little of being in the now.

And details 4 ways to find the positive side of failure:

You learn.
You gain experiences you could not get any other way.
You become stronger.
Your chances of succeeding increases.

I agree with each of these four positives and feel that the first one is especially important. If you aren't set up to learn, or open enough to accept that you need to learn, failure is more likely to be a negative in your reality. Check out the complete post from Henrik Edberg to get all the great insights on failing forward.

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Failure, Failing Forward, Personal Development

8 Steps for Handling Workplace Confrontations Gracefully

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 02:51:51 GMT

Cheri Baker over at The Enlightened Manager has a post with great information on dealing with conflict at work: Eight Steps for Workplace Confrontations. The post outlines easy to follow steps to help you deal with the conflict situation gracefully, and the probing questions also help you think through the process to ensure you're addressing the right problem at the right time for the right reasons. Here's an excerpt:

One of the challenging things about working in a team environment is that there are times when people behave in ways that we find unproductive, offensive, or hurtful. When we ignore these feelings the relationship can suffer as our resentment festers. Yet fear at confronting others can prevent us from taking positive action. Today's post contains a checklist you can use to determine if a confrontation is appropriate, and if so, how to move forward.
Step One: Ask yourself if the "problem" is a pattern or simply a one-time issue. Sometimes we see the people around us behaving poorly in a repetitive way. Sometimes the behavior is a surprise. If the situation you wish to confront someone on is a one-time thing, not a pattern, ask yourself if a confrontation is really necessary. We all have bad days. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.
Step Two: If you have determined you want to move ahead, ask yourself what your reasoning is. Are you confronting the person because your feelings are hurt? Because you are concerned about them? Because you are concerned about the customer? Chances are you may have multiple motivations. But take the time to get crystal clear about your own motives. Sometimes we "say" that we are confronting someone because we are worried about the project, or the customer, but it is really about our own feelings. Step up and own your own motives.
Read the rest here: http://blog.emergenceconsulting.net/2008/03/eight-steps-for.html?cid=119386496

Definitely worth the read as the realistic and honest approach in the steps force you to think through a conflict situation and allow you to plan your approach and response. Note also that these steps would work well in dealing with personal conflicts as well. Thanks to Cheri for sharing these great tips!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Personal Development, Handling Conflict, Workplace Confrontations

Online Quiz: Are you a positive or negative thinker?

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 01:21:18 GMT

MindTools has a free and easy online assessment with 15 questions to help determine if you are a positive or negative thinker. Once you receive your results you'll learn where you might need to reshape your thinking and how to improve at turning negatives into positives. Here's a clip:

"A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes."
Mahatma Gandhi
"Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will."
Zig Ziglar – Personal development guru
These are two powerful quotes. Combined, they tell us that if we think positively, we’re likely to enjoy positive results. Negative thinking, on the other hand, can lead to outcomes we don’t want.
Positive and negative thoughts can become self-fulfilling prophecies: What we expect can often come true.
If you start off thinking that you'll mess up a task, the chances are that you will: You may not try hard enough to succeed, you won't attract support from other people, and you may not perceive any results as good enough.
Positive thinking, on the other hand, is often associated with positive actions and outcomes. You have hope and faith in yourself and others, and you work and invest hard to prove that your optimism is warranted. You'll enthuse others, and they may well "pitch in" to help you. This makes constructive outcomes all the more likely.
When it comes down to it, positive, optimistic people are happier and healthier, and enjoy more success than those who think negatively. The key difference between them is how they think about and interpret the events in their life.
So, how do you think about your successes and failures? Do you have a predictable thinking pattern?
Read more - and take the online quiz - here: http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_89.htm

I found it interesting to assess my inner pessimist and optimist, and the section after the quiz offers some interesting insights from both points of view and "the impact of an optimistic versus pessimistic outlook on life and success." Just one more way to develop yourself and learn how to reshape your thinking.

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Personal Development, Positive vs. Negative Thinking, Permanence, Pervasiveness and Personalization

Video: Famous Failures "Life = Risks"

Sat, 24 May 2008 18:24:52 GMT

McGee pointed me to a great video called "Famous Failures" which highlights popular and historical icons who failed and succeeded. Often we focus on the negative of failing, rather than looking at the positives gained - experience, knowledge, etc. I'm enjoying the recent surge in interest on the subject of "failing forward" and encourage you to give this brief video a watch!

Watch Video Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6hz_s2XIAU&e

Professional Development: 20 Workplace Habits Holding You Back

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:48:49 GMT

I'm currently reading Marshall Goldsmith's What Got You Here Won’t Get You There and was excited to find his list of "20 workplace habits you need to break" at David Maister's site. You really need to read Goldsmith's book to get the most out of the list below, but the "bad habits" noted can help you now by getting you to think about ways you can improve in the workplace. Here's the list, via Dave's post:

The need to win each time
The overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion
The need to pass judgment on others
Needless sarcasm and cutting comments
Starting with “no”, “But”, “However”
Need to show how smart we are
Speaking when angry
Negativity: the need to share negative thoughts even when not asked
Withholding Information
Failing to Give Proper recognition
Claiming credit we don’t deserve
Making excuses
Clinging to the past
Playing favorites
Refusing to express regret
Not listening
Failing to express gratitude
Punishing the messenger
Passing the buck
An excessive need to be “me”: exalting our faults as virtues simply because they’re who we are

David ask's two questions at the end of his post related to the bad workplace habits listed above:

(a) Which of Goldsmith’s 20 bad habits would you say is the most damaging?
(b) Which do you think are the most common?

Check out the comments following his post for some interesting thoughts on the most damaging and/or common bad habits. For me, it is hard to choose one Über damaging behavior - they can all be toxic and have negative effects on your org. For instance, #7 "Speaking when angry" is certainly not fun for anyone, and #8 "Being Negative" and sprinkling it around lends credence to the old saying "one rotten apple can spoil the whole barrel". #9 "Withholding information" can lead to mistrust (and misunderstandings, and...), and #12 "making excuses" is so prevalent in most organizations that it's now the norm. If I HAD to pick only one that was the most damaging, I'd go with #7 "Speakng when angry". It's hard enough to remain professional and conduct yourself appropriately during stressful times, but if you open your mouth when you KNOW you are angry, get ready for the backlash. Practice self awareness and learn to be aware of how your actions and behaviors impact those you work with - something I continue to work on personally. If you feel the anger swelling, take a few deep breaths, try to seperate the personal feelings from the professional issue at hand and respond only when you've had enough time to calm down and think. Ask that the meeting/conversation be rescheduled to buy time or leave the room if you have to. Nobody wants to watch an angry rant and you usually end up looking/feeling a bit foolish. Of course all of this is subjective and depends on your own perspective, personal experience and willingness to grow..

Don't forget to check out the excellent book What Got You Here Won’t Get You There from Marshall Goldsmith -- it's a great read with tons of excellent info on building a better you!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Career Development, Bad workplace Habits, Personal Development, Marshall Goldsmith

Ask Good Questions - Here Are Two Powerful Ones

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 18:27:42 GMT

Slacker Manager Phil G. has a post titled The Two Most Powerful Questions In The World, which is actually a chapter from the book Don’t Ask Stupid Questions: There Are No Stupid Questions by Tim Brownson. You can read the complete post for great information on asking quality questions. Here's a bit 'o detail on the "big two" mentioned in the title:

The first question is to be used when something has not gone as planned. It may be you missed a job opportunity or even lost your own job, it may be something less stressful like losing a game of tennis or not hitting your target weight by the date you set. It can be used in a multitude of different circumstances, and as you play about with it, I’m sure you will choose those that are most advantageous to you.
Q1: What Can I Learn From This Situation?

And the second, equally interesting question:

Q2: What Else Can This Mean?

This is a question I use on a daily basis because I think it is so valuable. Think of this scenario: You have arranged to meet your partner or good friend for dinner and you arrive on time at the restaurant. The other person still hasn’t shown up after 10 minutes and you start to say to yourself “typical, she is always late, she simply has no respect for other people”. Not really very useful is it and not very likely to pave the way for a great night? How about if you asked yourself what else can this mean? Now you have choices. The internal voice could now be saying “she must really care about me because she is obviously taking the time to look her best” or “It really wasn’t very thoughtful of me to pick a restaurant that is so dogged by bad traffic I’d better make a real effort to make up with a great night” Both of these are guaranteed to prevent any arguments and make sure you keep things in perspective.
Read more here: http://www.slackermanager.com/2008/04/the-two-most-powerful-questions-in-the-world.html

Do check out the complete post as it contains tons of great info on asking good questions and is a fabulous excerpt from Tim Brownson's book. Also, you might enter for a free copy of the book:

To win a copy of Don’t Ask Stupid Questions: There Are No Stupid Questions, just answer the following questions by leaving a comment or creating your own post that shows up in the comments section:
What is the best question you ask yourself, and what does the question mean to you.
**The winner will be decided by a random drawing of all entries at 5 PM central on Friday April 18th, 2008

Enjoy!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Personal Development, Professional Development, Focusing Questions

Goals & Persistence

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:07:37 GMT

I love this quote from Seth Godin:

Persistence

Persistence isn't using the same tactics over and over. That's just annoying.
Persistence is having the same goal over and over.

Link to post: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2008/03/persistence.html

I know this quote can be viewed from a variety of perspectives, but I like to look at it from a personal and professional growth point of view. In other words, don't keep banging your head against the wall - try going around or over the wall. Blast a hole through it if you have to. Do whatever it takes to accomplish your goal and remember to learn from your experiences along the way.

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth

Tags: Personal Growth, Personal Development, Persistence, Goals

Personal Growth: Tips for calming nerves before giving a presentation or speech

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 22:26:39 GMT

Sometimes you find yourself getting nervous before a performance - a speech, an interview, a gig, large meetings and break-out sessions - and you wait for your head to explode from the flurry of nerves inside. And though being nervous sucks, there are some things you can do to calm or relax those nerves and use the energy created to your benefit.

Enter a great post by Tim W. called How to Attain Serenity Before Giving a Speech. The tips in Tim's post are simple - Loosen Your Body, Wiggle Your Toes, Practice Deep Breathing, but it's his writing style, humor and common sense that makes this post worth reading. Here's an excerpt from the post:

Here's the setup: you are seated at the head table of a large banquet hall, waiting to be introduced. You are about to deliver a keynote presentation to a gathering of several hundred executives in your particular field of endeavor.
Are you feeling jittery? Do you have butterflies flippity-flapping around in the pit of your stomach? Good. If you didn't feel a bit nervous, then I would be concerned that one or more of the following were true:

You are too overconfident in your subject matter
You are too arrogant in general
You have ingested too much alcohol and/or too many other mood-altering substances in the previous 30-60 minutes

However, in my experience as a technical trainer, IT professional, and astute audience member I have seen not an insignificant number of public speakers blow otherwise fine presentations by needlessly psyching themselves out due to mishandled fear or over-jangling nerves.
In this brief essay I will share with you some suggestions passed along to me by my mentors that help me to attain a comfortable level of serenity before I teach classes or deliver other types of public presentations. Note well, friends: by serenity I am not for one minute referring to an attitude of lethargic, monotonic, sleepwalking, yawn-inducing platform speech. That is misunderstood, stereotypical 'serenity.'
Read more here: http://www.mtannoyances.com/?p=426

The comments include a few additional tips and links to other articles and sites with related info and tips on controlling performance anxiety. I still get nervous whether speaking in front of one person or 100. Going through interview loops make me batty and leading break-out or training sessions make my stomach churn. But you accept that you need to do "it", that "it" is a positive thing and, more importantly for me, I know I need to embrace those things that make me nervous in order to grow and develop. I'd never drum in public if I gave into my nerves. I used to be sooo incredibly nervous on stage (nevermind that there were only 12 people in dim, smokey joint) that I'd set my kit up so my cymbals and set made it virtually impossible to see me. I eventually gained enough confidence to show and be myself on stage (I look like a dork, I love drumming and have a huge smile plastered on my face most of the time. When I try to look cool, I tend to scowl. Go figure.), but I do still get extremely nervous and sometimes nauseous before the tiny gigs I occasionally play. Crazy and I digress - Go read Tim W.'s post: How to Attain Serenity Before Giving a Speech

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Career Development, Calm Nerves, Personal Development, Public Speaking, Give A Speech

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Personal Growth: How to Respond to Sarcasm in Meetings

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 00:56:10 GMT

Cheri Baker of The Enlightened Manager blog has another great personal growth/career development post I just have to share: How to Respond to Sarcasm in Meetings. The post contains great info and tips for dealing with snide comments and negativity in meetings, and Cheri also provides some reasons why an individual might respond sarcastically. Understanding this and taking it into consideration will allow you to respond appropriately, without fueling the fire or letting the person off the hook. The six ways to respond Cheri discusses are solid tips for getting your resident sarcasm spouter (read: negativitist) under control. If one style of response doesn't suit you (Option Six: Remove Them From the Meeting), another one of the six most likely will (Option One: Ignoring it.; Option Four: Direct response (Public/Private)). Read the rest of the post here: http://blog.emergenceconsulting.net/2008/01/snide-comments.html

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth

Tags: Personal Growth, Career Development, Managing Negativity, Personal Development, Negativity

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Tips For Personal Goal Setting Using SMART Goals

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 04:02:22 GMT

MindTools has some great information on personal goal setting and making the most out of them by using SMART goals: Personal Goal Setting - Find direction. Live your life your way. The article discusses the benefit of "setting sharp, clearly defined goals", details a variety of types of personal goals (career, education, family, financial, etc.) and provides some solid goal setting tips and how to achieve best results. Personal Goal Setting also highlights what SMART Goals are and why they are so useful.

Here's an excerpt from the article with Goal Setting Tips:

State each goal as a positive statement: Express your goals positively - 'Execute this technique well' is a much better goal than 'Don't make this stupid mistake.'

Be precise: Set a precise goal, putting in dates, times and amounts so that you can measure achievement. If you do this, you will know exactly when you have achieved the goal, and can take complete satisfaction from having achieved it.

Set priorities: When you have several goals, give each a priority. This helps you to avoid feeling overwhelmed by too many goals, and helps to direct your attention to the most important ones.

Write goals down: This crystallizes them and gives them more force.

Keep operational goals small: Keep the low-level goals you are working towards small and achievable. If a goal is too large, then it can seem that you are not making progress towards it. Keeping goals small and incremental gives more opportunities for reward. Derive today's goals from larger ones.

Set performance goals, not outcome goals: You should take care to set goals over which you have as much control as possible. There is nothing more dispiriting than failing to achieve a personal goal for reasons beyond your control. In business, these could be bad business environments or unexpected effects of government policy. In sport, for example, these reasons could include poor judging, bad weather, injury, or just plain bad luck. If you base your goals on personal performance, then you can keep control over the achievement of your goals and draw satisfaction from them.

Set realistic goals: It is important to set goals that you can achieve. All sorts of people (employers, parents, media, society) can set unrealistic goals for you. They will often do this in ignorance of your own desires and ambitions. Alternatively you may set goals that are too high, because you may not appreciate either the obstacles in the way, or understand quite how much skill you need to develop to achieve a particular level of performance.

Read more here: http://www.mindtools.com/page6.html

Interesting idea to boost personal productivity and effectiveness

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 03:57:21 GMT

Jack Vinson has a brief post with an "interesting suggestion for personal effectiveness in 2008: Use the Covey idea of Four Quadrants of Activity Management on your computer's desktop."

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth

Tags: Personal Growth, Personal Effectiveness, Organize Desktop, Personal Development, Productivity

Personal Development: 10 Tips For Avoiding Career Sabotage

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 17:23:06 GMT

An interesting headline caught my attention: Don't sabotage your own career. It outlines ten professional behaviors and habits to steer clear of in order to avoid career self-destruction. Author Rachel Zupek quotes "Avoiding self-destructive habits seems like common sense, but McKee says reasonable thinking is sometimes forgotten when employees try to learn new habits, styles and techniques in their line of business." -- and that is so true. It's easy to lose sight of long term goals when you're "in the moment" (not always a bad thing, but it can be..) and that can lead to destructive behaviors, actions, inactions and other issues that can affect you on a professional level. Are you making mistakes that are negatively impacting your career? Drop the bad habits and check out these Ten habits to avoid in order to avert your own career self-destruction:

1. Not having a life plan.
All very successful people have a clear life plan, whether memorized or actually written down. They create it, massage it and refer to it often. Nearly 85 percent of people who are satisfied with their life overall have a personal action plan, McKee says.
"Without a plan, we leave our success in the hands of others who may or may not have time to look after other people's successes," he says.
2. Not keeping your skill set current.
The business landscape is ever-changing and there is more demand for jobs than supply. Not staying on par with colleagues and those vying for your job will be a deathtrap. Companies are looking for ways to reduce expenses or get the maximum return on their investments, McKee says, including personnel. "If someone else is capable of producing a greater return, you are at risk of being replaced."
3. Failing to deliver results.
Winners in business know that it's all about accountability. Those who harbor a sense of entitlement for simply having put forth effort, irrespective of the results of those efforts, are guaranteed to fall by the wayside.
"Many individuals simply don't understand that business and professional fields ... are becoming more like the radio business," he says. "If one's 'ratings' are going down, they get replaced."
4. Confusing efficiency with effectiveness.
Those who think that communicating via e-mail replaces the need to actually talk with people around them fail to recognize the importance of personally connecting with others in today's highly automated and technological environment. Communicating in person is imperative for success-seekers.
5. Believing you are irreplaceable.
There is no room for "divas" in the workplace. As soon as you convince yourself that you and only you can do the job "right," your star will surely start to fall.
6. Knowing all the answers.
The old adage remains true: Knowledge is power. Professing to know it all can readily stagnate a career. Winners remain unceasingly interested in learning ideas and approaches.
"The best leaders love to ask questions," McKee says. "They stay current, get new ideas to follow up on and earn the respect of their teams. With that respect, the team members are more likely to work harder for the boss."
7. Surrounding yourself with "brown-nosers."
Serial "labor losers" like having people tell them how smart they are, whether or not it's true. Successful managers and other professionals accept and encourage intelligence and creativity in others.
8. Forgetting to give credit to others.
Labor losers inappropriately take full credit for positive events despite the help or input received by others. Winners give credit where credit is due.
"People are becoming less likely to sit back quietly while their boss steals ideas or takes credit for great ideas which weren't their own," McKee says.
9. Failing to self-promote.
Bragging is one thing, but letting colleagues in your industry know of your success through case studies, promotion bulletins or other such tools is another. Labor losers often fail to recognize the importance of letting others know about their successes, or they go about it in the entirely wrong way.
10. Losing perspective.
Intuitive business people recognize that, despite their best attempts to do everything right, sometimes they approach roadblocks and seek the advice and perspective of a respected friend, colleague or even a business coach. Those who fail to recognize their shortcomings are destined for the unemployment line.
Read more here: http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/worklife/12/18/cb.career.killers/index.html

Good points and it's important to note that each of the above items can sneak up on you if you aren't self aware. Some items might have a big "duh" factor but remember that it's often the common or easy things that we neglect. Take care to avoid sabotaging your career by developing good habits and striving to be the best you can on a professional and personal level.

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Career Development, Personal Development, Career Sabotage, Personal Development, Bad Work Habits

Podcast: Handling Conflict w/ Gini Graham Scott

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 23:04:28 GMT

I have to admit I'm not a regular listener of the Cranky Middle Manager Show, but each time I've taken the time to listen I've been pleasantly pleased. That was the case with the latest CMM podcast: 120- Handling Conflict with Gini Graham Scott. It starts out with some thoughts on how conflict can be good and then moves into discussions on conflict, handling effectively and things you can do to keep sane. The podcast runs about 26 minutes but goes by pretty quickly as the dialogue is natural and interesting. Give it a shot and see what you think.

Check out more here: http://cmm.thepodcastnetwork.com/2007/11/19/the-cranky-middle-manager-show-120-handling-conflict-with-gini-graham-scott/

8 Tips for better collaboration and partnering with peers

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 22:39:53 GMT

Lisa Haneberg has a great post with excerpts from her book High Impact Middle Management with tips to improving your collaboration techniques: Partner Better with Peers - Here are Eight Ways. There are a ton of lists out there but I found these particular tips to be realistic and easy to implement in the real world. Even if you only use a few of these great techniques for building partnetships with your peers, you'll be well ahead of the pack. I'll post some of the info on the techniques and you'll need to read the complete post for the rest of the details:

High impact middle managers have learned what it takes to be a great partner. They know that the benefits of effective collaboration far outweigh the time and effort expended in creating the partnership. High impact middle managers also know that good partnerships do not simply happen. There are practices that they must put into place and cultivated to increase the benefits of peer-to-peer collaboration.
Technique #1: Resist the need to control.
If you have a constant need to control situations, people, or conversations it will undermine effective collaboration with your peer group. Partnering is a give-and-take process in which no one gets to play boss. Listen and watch for verbal and nonverbal clues that suggest other people are feeling pressured or pushed. One of the best ways to give up control in a conversation is to ask more open-ended questions and make fewer opinionated statements.
Technique #2: Spend time with peers.
Management is a social act. The more time that middle managers spend working with one another, the easier and more natural the partnering process will feel. In addition, peers that get together often feel more comfortable asking for input, help, and participation than do those who avoid each other. Middle managers who engage peers only when needed will receive a cooler and less helpful response. Great middle managers, both extroverts and introverts, know the value of cultivating and building relationships.
Technique #3: Resolve any past partnership failures.

Technique #4: Communicate on behalf of your peers.
Technique #5: If you cannot say anything nice, do not say anything at all.
Never badmouth peers in front of others. It never pays to talk badly about peers, and it will burns bridges that you will need later on. Speak respectfully about other managers, even if you think ill of them. Managers who talk about other people behind their backs end up looking bad themselves. It is immature, unprofessional, and destructive to badmouth peers. The saying “What goes around, comes around” certainly applies to workplace relationships. This is not to say that disagreements with peers should be ignored. The best way to deal with a difference of opinion or disagreement is to directly communicate it, in a productive way, to the person involved.
(comment from the peanut gallery - Lisa learned this lesson the hard way :-( )
Technique #6: Take ownership of problems and challenges.
Technique #7: Graciously share credit.
Technique #8: Know the needs and concerns of peers, managers, customers, and employees.

Read more here: http://managementcraft.typepad.com/management_craft/2007/11/partner-better.html

I love these tips and, though we've heard it before, I particularly like Technique #5: "If you cannot say anything nice, do not say anything at all." boy, the trouble I'd have been saved if I would have kept that addage in mind! Like Lisa, I too leared the hard way - but it was a valuable lesson that I continue to keep in mind and benefit from. Also, even though these tips are from a book on middle management, I feel they're applicable to employees at multiple levels in an organization, and many folks would benefit from taking more of a collaborative approach when working with peers - and everyone else! Too often we are focused on the next step, the next career move and end up turning co-workers into competitors, and "work" becomes a competition. Remembering that the folks you work with are the ones who help you get your job done, and harnessing all your peers knowledge and experience, will make you a better middle/upper/entry level manager, employee, peer, co-worker, etc.

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Collaboration, Partnering With Peers, Teams, Collaboration Tips

Personal Growth: 8 Great tips to Improve Your Social Skills

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 20:02:59 GMT

The Positivity Blog has some great tips to help you improve your social skills and develop on a personal level: How to Improve Your Social Skills: 8 Tips from the Last 2500 Years. You'll want to read the original post for detail on each of these items:

1. Listen
2. Actually be interested in the other person.
3. Don’t listen too much to criticism.
4. Don’t babble on and on.
5. Treat others as you would like them to treat you.
6. Keep a positive attitude.
7. Use silence.
8. Communicate with more than your words.

Read the complete post with all detail here: http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2007/11/15/how-to-improve-your-social-skills-8-tips-from-the-last-2500-years/

It's another great post from The Positivity Blog to help you learn, grow and develop as an individual. And these tips will also help you at work, as they help build your interpersonal skills. Isn't it interesting to see how a lot of them are focused on communication? A large part of being "social" is communication, and that doesn't always translate into "speaking". It's being aware of what and how you say something, listening - actively, keeping conversations positive (who wants to hear the dirty laundry or latest drama of someone they just met - or have know for a long time, for that matter!) and so on. If you've got any related tips to share/add - I'd love to hear from you!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Social Networking, Being Social, Personal Development, Social Skills

The Powers of Persuasion 4 Do's and Dont's

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 17:40:42 GMT

Mind Tools has a great article in their latest newsletter called Powers of Persuasion - Understanding the Dos and Don’ts of Persuasion. It's an interesting look at persuasion and the best approach to take to "reach a mutually beneficial outcome". The key points from the closing sum things up nicely:

Persuasion is an art form. To be good at it takes a great deal of understanding and practice. At its core is the ability to relate to people and adopt their point of view. When you commit to listening to people, creating propositions that have value and appeal, and remaining flexible throughout the process, you are in a great position to use your powers of persuasion. Remember, being persuasive means motivating people to do something you want them to do, which in the end, they want to do too. Show them what’s in it for them, and do it in a way that is genuine and affective.

Here are the do's and dont's, read the complete article for detail on each of these items:

Do… Establish Credibility
Do… Find Common Ground
Do… Produce Vivid Evidence
Do… Create an Emotional Connection
Don’t… Rely Only on a Great Argument
Don’t… Make a Hard Sales Pitch
Don’t... Take an “All or Nothing” Stance
Don’t… Believe You Have Only One Chance

Read more here: http://www.mindtools.com/pages/Newsletters/13Nov07.htm#pop

I found the tips and detail to be very practical and keeping them in mind should help you be more persuasive. Communicating effectively can be very dificult so it's always nice to get great info on how to develop skills to be more effective.

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Career Development, Personal Development, Interpersonal Skills, Persuasion, How To Persuade, Effective Persuasion

Personal Growth: Approach Conflict & Difficult Conversations Effectively

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 06:39:15 GMT

Slacker Manager has a great article by guest author Tammy Lenski on dealing with conflict and difficult conversations. In Shift Your Thinking About Conflict Lenski shares her insight and provides some great tips to "Listen in the right way" and to "approach conflict effectively, bravely and diplomatically". Sensible and practical - here's an excerpt:

So for years I've worked to teach people something more powerful than techniques: I've taught people how to think and feel about conflict and dialogue. People who succeed in changing the frame of mind with which they approach their difficult conversations usually find out that they don't need to learn new skills or tips at all...they discover their good skills are accessible to them once they change how they think.
If you want to begin to shift how you think about conflict, I offer the following three phrases for helping you begin the change. Use them in any situation where you want to improve communication, even if there's no overt conflict. Practice in low-stakes situations so you're used to them when things get tough.
I developed the three phrases over the past decade of dialogue-building, coaching and training work. They're a simple first step to begin teaching your mind how to approach conflict effectively, bravely and diplomatically.
Read more here: http://makeitgreat.typepad.com/makeitgreat/2007/11/todays-guest-wr.html

Here are the three phrases Lenski mentions:

Phrase 1: Tell me more.
Phrase 2: Help me understand.
Phrase 3: Why is that?

You'll want to read the complete article for more details and information on each phrase, as well get all the great insight on dealing with difficult conversations and conlict effectively. It's amazing how a little shift in thinking or looking from another's point of view can impact your emotions, delivery and attitude. I found Lenski's tips to be practial and usable in the real world. If you have other ways for managing conflict or approaching difficult conversations I'd love to hear from you! raven_young AT hotmail DOT com -- Enjoy!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Career Development, Personal Development, Interpersonal Skills, Emotional Intelligence, Conflict, Emotional Awareness

Double Standard on Tears? Is Crying at work ok?

Sat, 27 Oct 2007 17:34:50 GMT

A lot of folks have heard about Ellen's recent tearful plea on tv - I haven't seen the video or read any write ups on it myself. I'm a fan and the only reason I mention her recent adventure is that it's spawning some debate over a double standard on tears. I really enjoyed an article at MSNBC.com that discusses the subject and highlights some of the double standards in public crying. Read Crying women more harshly judged than men for more detail. Here's a clip that had me nodding my head in agreement:

“Women are not making it up when they say they’re damned if they do, damned if they don’t,” said Stephanie Shields, the psychology professor who conducted the study. “If you don’t express any emotion, you’re seen as not human, like Mr. Spock on ’Star Trek,”’ she said. “But too much crying, or the wrong kind, and you’re labeled as overemotional, out of control, and possibly irrational.”

Read more here: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21457366/

And for a different perspective on tears, along with some tips on dealing with emotions in the workplace, check out Bud Bilanich's post on Tears. I loved this clip from the Wall Street journal:

“Crying at work has long been verboten. But there’s evidence that a growing number of workers, especially those in their 20s and 30s, see it differently. Some think it’s old fashioned to hide your emotions. Others are quick to cry over negative feedback. And many find themselves at odds with managers who grew up with a more repressive definition of personal conduct…Some bosses see tears as a natural side effect of the emotional investment required by many jobs…Savvy bosses avoid jumping to the conclusion that tears signal weakness.”

Read more here: http://bbilanich.typepad.com/blog/2007/05/tears.html

Very interesting, no? Do you have related articles or posts? I'd love to hear from you: raven_young AT hotmail DOT com

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Personal Growth
Tags: Personal Growth, Tears, Crying At Work, Emotional Awareness

Personal Growth: Use Emotional Awareness to Reduce Conflict

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 17:08:03 GMT

Slow Leadership has a great personal growth post on emotional awareness/intelligence: Knowing thyself reduces conflict. The post discusses the effects your own actions, behaviors, attitudes, etc. have on those around you. Most interesting are the tips provideed to get started on "knowing thyself" or developing your emotional awareness:

The process of knowing thyself begins when one consciously explores “how I am” and “who I am” when it comes to “the way I am”—the way I communicate, how I behave with others.
Self mastery consciously explores verbal and non verbal behaviors, emotional behaviors—how one expresses one’s feelings and emotions (and if one expresses one’s feelings and emotions), and motives and intentions underneath —hidden agendas, for example, or disharmony where “what I do is out of alignment with what I say”.
Know thyself requires taking a conscious look at:

How we experience ourselves at work and how we interact with others.
The disconnects that exist between what we say, think, feel, and do; disconnects that lead to us being out of harmony, being unethical, and being disrespectful.
Why, for example, I need to lie, cheat, steal, bully, gossip, be disagreeable, disrespectful, resistant, non-trusting, sabotaging, discourteous, and insensitive.
“Where I’m coming from” and whether “where I’m coming from” is supportive or limiting to the team, department and organization.

The bottom line is this: conflict is rarely the result of “technical” issues. Most often, conflict is based on some underlying fear and is an interpersonal dynamics issue.
Read more here: http://slowleadership.org/blog/?p=292

By being more aware of your impact you'll be more prepared for interpersonal complications and different types of conflict. Here's some related reading: