Raven's Brain v1.0: Communication Essentials

13 Communication Tips For Friday The 13th

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:00:37 GMT

I wanted to put together a list of 13 Communication Tips in honor of today - Friday the 13th. Imagine how clever I felt when I determined the word communication is, in fact, thirteen letters - spooky!

Concentrate on the delivery of your message. No matter how important the content is, your delivery is what sells the message.
Open and honest communication leads to respect and trust. Never lie or mislead and make sure the point of your message isn't buried or misunderstood.
Managing up is all about communicating effectively with your boss. From a post by David Maister "It means making sure your manager is aware of the big issues that are plaguing the team and possible topics that may be discussed at a management meeting he/she attends. It also involves filtering the less important details from the important so that your manager does not feel overwhelmed with information."
Metaphors are a great way to pull people into your message. Metaphors should be apropos to your message, interesting and simple to understand - watch out for confusion country!
Understand the importance of the non-verbal side of communication. ECT says "When you first meet someone, you have just ten seconds to make an impression on them. Or, to put it another way, in the first ten seconds after meeting a new person, you will be making a particular impression on them whether you like it or not. Before you even open your mouth to speak, you non-verbally imprint the other person with your persona..". Facial expressions, gestures, attire, accessories, posture, and eye contact are a few non-verbal cues that come to mind.
Now is the time! Get your message out in a timely manner or people will go elsewhere for their information.
Insights into different peoples personalities, cultures and communication preferences help you tailor your message and be better equipped to adapt communications within your team as needed. This statement from Chris Witt acts as a nice summary "To succeed in today's workplace, it's not enough to be smart, technically savvy, and experienced. You also need to be people-smart to get along well with people and bring out their best."
Compelling messages are more interesting and will stick with your audience. People won't listen to you simply because you speak well. Give them a reason to listen and pay attention!
Active listening is a very important communication skill. Most people think communication is simply about writing or speaking and wonder what "listening" has to do with communication. Communicate = Talk, right? Uhm..No! Larry Nadig says "In active listening we are also genuinely interested in understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling, wanting or what the message means, and we are active in checking out our understanding before we respond with our own new message."
Telling a story is another powerful way to pull people into your message and they're more likely to remain interested and engaged while you're speaking.
Improving your communication skills will also improve your productivity. Practice all facets of communication - from gestures, facial expressions and tone, to the specific words you use, speaking clearly, projecting confidence and more. And that's just the "talking part" of communication - there's so much more to learn - keep it up!
Obvious isn't always! When communicating take care to write or speak to your target audience. Try to avoid confusing acronyms, business jargon and technical speak, and don't assume everyone is hearing what you are saying. Reminds me of Lisa Haneberg's recent post: Why you aren’t responsible for what you say, but what others hear.
Nothing is more important than good communication. If you were to focus on only one skill, I would suggest it be "communicating effectively". Tom Peters says "To say language is everything to a leader is no understatement." and who's gonna argue with that?

Have more tips to add? Send me an email: raven_young AT hotmail DOT com

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Communication Tips, Conversation Tips

Communication Essentials: Why So Many Americans Can’t Communicate

Fri, 09 May 2008 05:42:59 GMT

Project@work has a great article: Why So Many Americans Can’t Communicate. It's an intersting piece on the lack of solid communication skills here in America. You will need to register with PAW to access the complete article, but here's an excerpt to get you started:

Ever consider why millions of Americans haven’t mastered rudimentary communication skills? Please tell me the answer, because I’m baffled. All I know is that it’s become a tired and lazy theme. Two decades ago, employers were talking about job candidates--many of whom were very smart--lacking communication skills. And they’re still complaining about this.

They weren’t just talking about recent high school or college grads, but experienced professionals who had trouble spitting out declarative sentences during interviews. And their written skills were equally atrocious. Resumes were strewn with grammatical errors and poor sentence structure.

The advent of spelling-and-grammar-checking programs didn’t remedy the problem, either. Often, spelling and grammar checks are wrong, because hundreds of English words have multiple meanings. Worst of all, it didn’t teach users anything; it just made them dependent upon yet another technology.

All these writing and editing gadgets made it easier to get through tedious communication tasks quickly. While they can be useful, they never should be taken as gospel, but as a helpful aide. Documents, letters, papers and resumes still have to be meticulously edited. That means not line by line, but word by word--a process most people avoid like the plague.

Read more here: http://www.gantthead.com/article.cfm?ID=242099

Interesting, no? Especially considering I don't always use proper grammar, english - whatever, when blogging and I find myself taking more liberties with words - sometimes even making my own up. Of course in the business world I write professional content and always try to be clear and concise when communicating. I think a large problem is that often people think communication = talking/speaking (occasionally yelling), and that's it. Effective communication is about so much more than talking - think active listening and things like communication style, adjusting style/message for different audiences, drawing out the unsaid, and tons more that are out of scope of this little piggie's post. And that's not even getting into written communication..

If you make it over to the article, check out the comments at the end. I always enjoy reading other's perspectives on interesting subjects. Thanks to author Bob Weinstein for sharing his insights on this great piece!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Communication Essentials: The forgotten power of conversation

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 22:35:00 GMT

Slow Leadership has a great post on communication the art of conversation: The forgotten power of conversation. It's a really solid piece filled with great insights on how to converse effectively, which involves more than simply speaking. You must listen, respond and interact in order to have a real conversation and the intro gives you a peek at the depth of the article:

Conversation is becoming a lost art, replaced by endless talk. To converse is to share ideas and learn from one another in the process. It demands listening and talking in equal degrees. Talk is one-way. All those people endlessly talking into their cellphones, the TV chat shows, the instant pundits on any topic, all of them talk without ceasing and rarely pause to listen. We live surrounded by constant chatter that amounts to little more than egotism, compounded by fear of silence.

Read more here: http://www.slowleadership.org/blog/?p=280

We've all had conversations which were obviously one sided. Oh, you might have gotten to speak but the other person didn't h-e-a-r you. It's as if some people have a mental pause button - they stop speaking and you start talking, but instead of taking in what is being said and adjusting their response based on it, they seem to be waiting for you to stop talking so they can pick up or, un-pause. How frustrating! Check out Carmine's article and you'll come away with some new insights on conversations and perhaps find some ways to get out of the one sided "convo" which tends to permeate corporate America.

Communication Essentials: Tips on improving your listening skills
http://ravenyoung.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!17376F4C11A91E0E!3731.entry
Communication Essentials: How to be a better listener
http://ravenyoung.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!17376F4C11A91E0E!3628.entry
Communication Essentials: A Crash Course in Communication
http://ravenyoung.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!17376F4C11A91E0E!3694.entry
Communication Essentials: Leading through conversation
http://ravenyoung.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!17376F4C11A91E0E!3581.entry
Communication Essentials: 9 Tips for Effecttive Communication
http://ravenyoung.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!17376F4C11A91E0E!3539.entry

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Team Communication, Communication, Crucial Conversations, Conversation Tips

Communication Essentials: Keeping Communication Open On Your Team

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:38:09 GMT

StickyMinds has an article on communication that is worth the read: Tending The Communication Path. Author Payson Hall makes things more interesting by using a fictional story to describe communication challenges faced by a manager and how she overcame them. I always enjoy these types of fictional articles as it allows you to get a deeper sense of the human factor of any issue. I liked this communication article because it shows how not keeping the communication lines open and regularly keeping in touch with your team can cause serious issues. Here's the intro:

Unfortunately, distrust is common in the relationship between managers and employees. But it doesn't have to be. Taking the time to keep your communication path "weed free" by finding time for one-on-one communication, being open and honest, and listening to your team members' input will cultivate an open, honest, and trusting culture within your team.

Read the article here: http://www.stickyminds.com/testandevaluation.asp?Function=edetail&ObjectId=12901&ObjectType=ART
(you might need to register to view some content)

You might also check out the comments section. One reader, Jeanne Collins, describes how she uses a candy jar to keep her team talking. Another asked how to handle introverts -- here's a great snip from the authors response:

A friend once pointed out to me that a career in programming involves lots of natural selection for introverts. Just to get a computer science degree, you had to find a bunch of people who would rather spend Saturday night cuddling with a keyboard in the computer center rather with another human on a date. Anecdotally, I’ve heard that in the general population the split between introverts and extroverts is about 50/50, but that in the computing profession it is more like 90/10. Bottom line: having a lot of introverts on a programming team is common in my experience. This can make building and maintaining communication paths more of a challenge.

If you've ever worked in software/IT you know just how true the above is. It's hard to build a team when working with introverts and a lot of engineers/programmers, developers/testers, architects-- Knowledge workers do prefer email -- even if you're sitting in the next cubicle. Just one of the many quirks in dealing with knowledge work versus construction, DoD, civil engineering, manufacturing, etc.

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Team Communication, Communication, Crucial Conversations, Conversation Tips

Communication Essentials: Tips on the Art of Listening

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 21:25:08 GMT

Slow Leadership has a good article on communication: You may hear quickly, but you can only listen slow. Carmine Coyote does a great job of discussing a major barrier to effective communication -- not listening, really listening. There are many great resources on the subject of active listening (taking the time to pay close attention, hearing what is being said and sincerely wanting to understand what the other person is trying to communicate to you). This article in particular focuses on taking the time to listen, and why you should want to, and discusses the benefits derived from truly listening, rather than "faking it". It also outlines why effective listeners make for more successful communicators:

The art of listening

Real communicators differ from the far more common, fake kind because they start from a different set of assumptions

They assume that they have no idea what the other person is going to say until after they’ve finished saying it in full.
They don’t believe they’ve understood what has been said until they’ve verified it carefully.
They assume that much of the real meaning is not in the words. It comes in the tone of voice, the stops and starts, the obvious signs of emotion, the body language. They give their full attention so as not to miss any of these.
They have learned that they don’t usually know what the other person really means by what they said. It has to be discovered, if only because many people find it hard to express their thoughts fully without the patience and help of the person listening.
They believe that everyone deserves a response based on careful, thorough thought—and that instant answers are an insult when the other person is taking the time and the trouble to try to explain.
They know that understanding owes more to empathy than hearing—and that seeing through another’s eyes means no longer focusing on your own concerns, but on theirs.

Read more here: http://slowleadership.org/blog/?p=230

Solid tips for being a more effective communicator. If you can't hear what is being said, listening beyond words to truly understand and hearing what the person is trying to communicate, you won't be as successful as individuals who practice active listening. Take the time, use some patience, leave your assumptions/attitudes/politics/BS behind and l-i-s-t-e-n. Solid communication skills are needed in just about any job and for project managers effective communication is an especially critical skill.

A few related posts:

Communication Essentials: Tips on improving your listening skills
http://ravenyoung.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!17376F4C11A91E0E!3731.entry
Communication Essentials: How to be a better listener
http://ravenyoung.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!17376F4C11A91E0E!3628.entry
Communication Essentials: A Crash Course in Communication
http://ravenyoung.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!17376F4C11A91E0E!3694.entry
Communication Essentials: Leading through conversation
http://ravenyoung.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!17376F4C11A91E0E!3581.entry
Communication Essentials: 9 Tips for Effecttive Communication
http://ravenyoung.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!17376F4C11A91E0E!3539.entry

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Listening Skills, Active Listening, Communication Tips, Conversation Tips

Communication Essentials: Tips on improving your listening skills

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 16:43:36 GMT

An important part of effective communication is listening - really listening. If you aren't focusing on what the other person is saying you're not 100% committed to the conversation. You might be missing crucial points or, worse, come across as inattentive or uninterested in what the other party is saying. Having Trouble Listening? is a great post that discusses eight common listening barriers that can negatively impact your ability to listen which of course degrades your overall communication skills. Here are a few of the communication issues discussed:

Jumping to Conclusions: Listening can be difficult, especially when you think you have heard it before. When you get that bored feeling and begin to drift away, bring yourself back to the present and “accept the challenge of drawing from the speaker some ideas and information that will be of value to you personally."

Assumption: Related to the above, Qubein writes, “You may assume that you already know what the speaker is going to say, so your attention drifts elsewhere….Make it a game to look for something new to take away from the conversation.”

Inattention: We can think almost four times faster than we can speak. In the lapse between the two it’s easy to place your attention elsewhere or begin to formulate what you want to say. In doing so you may miss important information. “The remedy is to use the ‘spare’ time to evaluate and interpret what the speaker is saying.”

Excessive Talking: If we’re talking, we’re not listening. It’s easy to use someone else’s comment as a jumping-off point to your monologue. “Be conscious of the amount of time you spend talking, and be alert for signs that your listener has something to say. Be willing to yield the floor at reasonable intervals.”

Fear: When you don’t like what someone else is saying or if you think it might make you look bad, instead of listening, we often begin to formulate an argument or begin to plan our escape. Force yourself to hear the other person out. Qubein cites Patrick Henry, “…Whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it.”
Read more here: http://www.leadershipnow.com/leadingblog/2007/07/having_trouble_listening.html

Great info to improve your listening skills. We all think we listen and communicate just fine, but if you look deeper you might find some common communication pitfalls you're prone to, and working on these will make you a better speaker, communicator and conversationist.

See my related post with more communication tips and additional resources: Communication Essentials: How to be a better listener

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Listening Skills, Listening, Communication Tips, Conversation Tips

Communication Essentials: A Crash Course in Communication

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 01:49:00 GMT

Inc.com has a great article on communication called A Crash Course in Communication. Authors Sarah Fenson and Jamie Walters discuss how good, effective communication takes work and provide 11 solid tips to help. Here are the first five bullets the article:

Don't take another person's reaction or anger personally, even if they lash out at you in what seems a personal manner. Another person's mood or response is more likely about fear or frustration than it is about you as an individual. Take a deep breath and count to 10, and see it as a way of letting the other person vent before he is able to communicate what's really on his mind.
You don't have to have all the answers. It's OK to say, "I don't know." If you want to find out, say so, then follow up to share your findings. Or you may decide to work on the problem together to find the answer.
Respond (facts and feelings); don't react (feelings) -- e.g., "Tell me more about your concern" or "I understand your frustration" instead of "Hey, 'm just doing my job" or "It's not my job" (which is sure to cause more irritation). Share responsibility for any communication in which you're a participant, and realize that sometimes, maybe often, your own personal reactions may be causing your frustrations about communicating with others.
Understand that people want to feel heard more than they care about whether you agree with them. It's strange how many people complain about others not hearing them, yet they don't listen to others either! You can show that you're listening by giving someone your complete attention and saying things like:

"Tell me more about your concern."
"What is it about XXX that concerns you?"
"I'm interested in what you've just said. Can you share a little bit about what lead you to that belief?"
"What would have to happen for you to be more comfortable with XXX?"

Remember that what someone says and what we hear can be amazingly different! Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. Repeat back or summarize to ensure that you understand. Restate what you think you heard and ask, "Have I understood you correctly?" If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and ask for more information: "I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. What I thought you just said is XXX; is that what you meant?"

Read more here: http://www.inc.com/articles/2000/08/20000.html?nav=mostpopular

I thought these tips, and the other 6 from the article, provided solid info and real world sensibility. Often it's MIScommunication or LACK of communication that gets us in trouble. This article covered these and other common communication barriers - like emotions, reactions, assumptions, etc. - and provides tips and techniques for more effective communication. Good read for those looking to brush up and/or improve their overall communication skills.

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Communication Tips, Crash Course In Communication

Communication Essentials: How to be a better listener

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 02:41:23 GMT

gantthead has a great article on communication for project managers and anyone else that wants to both speak and listen or, uhm, "communicate", effectively. In Say What? Bob Weinstein stresses the importance of listening during a conversation - "Speaking is easy; listening is difficult." That statement rings so true and a quick review of data from the article seems to back it up:

New York City-based psychotherapist Gilda Carle says that we have trouble listening because we hone in on body language 55 percent of the time, and on vocal intonation 38 percent of the time. That leaves only 7 percent to devote to what someone is saying. “We’re terrible listeners because we are distracted by 93 percent of these nonverbal cues as opposed to the 7 percent of what we should be hearing,” says Carle.

The article contains some excellent info for those looking to improve their communication skills. it's true that we often are so focused on getting our agenda out that we aren't focusing on what the other person is saying, and if you aren't listening to what they're saying, how can you be sure they're listening to you? Show the other person you hear what they're saying and understand what's being communicated and you're much more likely have a solid two-way conversation. How do you become a better listener? Well here's an excerpt from Say What? with some good info to get you started:

Good listeners aren’t planning their next segue to another topic or attempting one when they’re speaking to someone. Instead, they’re concentrating on listening by clarifying what the other person is saying, says Smith. “They may say, ‘What do you mean by that?’ or ‘Why do you say that?’ or use words like ‘Really?’ to allow the one speaking to continue in depth on the topic.”

Smith also suggests nodding your head to indicate understanding or agreement with what the person is saying.

One of the hardest things to do during a first face-to-face conversation with someone is to remember the person’s name, says Smith. “The biggest problem is that you may have never clearly heard the person’s name in the first place,” he says. “You can’t remember something that you didn’t hear. A loud environment such as a busy restaurant or a convention hall may limit what you hear the person saying.” To remember names, Smith offers this simple tip: As soon as you are introduced to John Brinker, say: “Brinker is an interesting name, John. From what part of the world did that name come?”

So you don’t forget the name, ask if the person has a business card. “On the back of the card, write the date of the conversation and notes about the conversation, such as information you have promised to send to the speaker,” Smith adds.

As for blocking out distractions and competing stimuli, Smith suggests focusing on the person’s lips, since the shape of the lips convey the syllables of the words that the person is saying. Scan back and forth from the lips to the eyes to let the person know you are paying attention.

Don’t expect to become a good listener overnight. It takes time, patience, concentration and hard work. You can start by slowing down. Just because everything around you is moving at warp speed doesn’t mean you have to follow suit.

Read more here: http://www.gantthead.com/article.cfm?ID=237131

Here are some additional listening and communication related resources:

Active Listening - Hear What People are Really Saying: http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
Interpersonal Listening Skills: http://www.managementhelp.org/commskls/listen/listen.htm
Improving Listening Skills: http://www.connectionsmagazine.com/articles/4/061.html
The Seven Deadly Sins of (Not) Listening: http://hodu.com/not-listening.shtml
Real listening: http://www.infoplease.com/homework/listeningskills1.html
Effective Listening: http://www.casaaleadership.ca/mainpages/resources/sourcebook/listening-skills.html

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Listening Skills, Listening, Communication Tips, Conversation Tips

Communication Essentials: Leading through conversation

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 00:39:53 GMT

The Practice of Leadership Blog has an interesting post on the importance of communication in leadership. In Leading through conversation blogger George Ambler discusses the power of conversation within your team or organization. People that don't know what's expected of them will wander through their work, bounce about tasks and most likely work against each other or perform duplicate tasks. Keeping people informed and setting expectations through conversations is essential to an organizations success. George puts it best in this excerpt from the post:

Organisations consist of human beings, not only structures, processes, systems and resources. As such, they require open, honest and effective communication to become successful. This means that communication is an important leadership practice. Unless people are aware of what’s going on around them they’re unable to engage in driving the organisations’ strategy. Given the powerful role that conversations play in guiding and directing an organisation, it’s amazing how often conversation is overlooked as a leadership tool. Successful leaders recognize the importance of shaping an organisation’s conversation.

Read more here: http://www.thepracticeofleadership.net/2007/04/15/leading-through-conversation/

My management and leadership motto is: Communication, Communication, Communication! so of course I loved this post.

It really is worth the read. A lot of great points are made and even the comments contain some great insight. I like how change is tied to conversations (communication) and the importance placed on open, regular conversations and communication for successful teams and orgs.. One of my favorite quotes from the post is:

Organisations change, when people change…. and … people change one conversation at a time…..

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Leadership, Soft Skills, Communication Tips, Conversation Tips

Communication Essentials: 9 Tips for Effecttive Communication

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 00:52:49 GMT

Lindsay Swinton of MFTROU has a page on Effective Communication: 9 Verbal Communication Tips To Make You An Effective Communicator. Here is one of my favorites:

Embedded Commands - the carrot and the stick.

Unless in the armed forces, people tend not to respond to direct commands, and prefer to comply with a suggestion coupled with a compelling reason to do so. Instead of "listen carefully" you could try "when people listen carefully, people tend to remember more"

Read more here: http://www.mftrou.com/advanced-communication-skill.html

Read PDF version: http://www.mftrou.com/support-files/advanced-communication-skill.pdf

Some great tips for more clear, concise and effective communication. I'll add one more pointer to the 9 in Lindsay's article:

On and on and on and on...

Some people tend to drag out conversation to a point where critical information is lost. When speaking to an individual or group remember that less is more - less BS, more information! Talk specifics, details and provide critical information in a concise, timely manner. Try not to bounce around topics or or let the conversation drag. Get to the point, be clear and ensure that your talking points were understood.

If you have any communication tips or pointers I'd love to hear from you. Enjoy!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Leadership, Soft Skills, Communication Tips, Conversation Tips

Good list of tips and tricks for improving your public speaking skills

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 03:35:55 GMT

Project Management Source has a good list of tips and tricks for improving your public speaking skills. There are actually 27 items in the list, here is the intro and the first five to get you started:

Would you rather die than give a eulogy? You're not alone. Public speaking is rated as the number one fear by over 40 percent of people in the world. Calm your nerves and capture the attention of your audience by following these effective tips and tricks.
1. Know your audience and occasion: Long before you set foot on the stage, lay the groundwork for your speech. The first step is to learn something about the audience that you will face. Prepare an address that is understood and appreciated by those listening. Consider the occasion: should you be casual or serious?
2. Choose the right topic: Pick something you are comfortable with. If you have to speak on an unfamiliar subject, do your homework and research it thoroughly. You'll want to be informed and able to answer questions from the audience.
3. Don’t memorize: Being familiar with your speech is a necessity, but memorizing or reading from written material is not. It’s easy to lose your place and very difficult to get back on track after a lapse. Instead, concentrate on modulating your tone and voice to the response of your audience.
4. Personalize your speech: Pepper your material with small personal anecdotes or other stories that will hold the attention of the audience. Everyone loves a good story. Most people will relate and respond better to your speech when you combine the facts with a collection of interesting tales and examples.
5. Practice 'til you’re perfect: Practice at home in front of a mirror. Record and time yourself: do whatever it takes to become comfortable with what you have to say. Fine-tune your mannerisms and body language. Repeated trials will help make you less nervous on stage.
Read more here: http://www.projectmanagementsource.com/2007/03/how_to_improve_.html

A lot of great info!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Leadership, Soft Skills, Communication Tips, Public Speaking, Giving Speeches

Communication Essentials: Top 10 Business Conversation Mistakes

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 23:20:13 GMT

The Positivity Blog has a good communication article titled Do you make these 10 mistakes in a conversation?. It discusses some common mistakes made in business and personal conversations and outlines some solutions for the combatting the flubbs:

Not listening
Don’t be like most people. Don’t just wait eagerly for your turn to talk. Put your own ego on hold. Learn to really listen to what people actually are saying. When you start to really listen, you’ll pick up on loads of potential paths in the conversation...
Asking too many questions
If you ask too many questions the conversation can feel like a bit of an interrogation. Or like you don’t have that much too contribute. One alternative is to mix questions with statements...
Tightening up
When in conversation with someone you just meet or when the usual few topics are exhausted an awkward silence or mood might appear. Or you might just become nervous not knowing exactly why...
Assume rapport
If you feel nervous or weird when meeting someone for the first time assume rapport. What that means is that you imagine how you feel when you meet one of your best friends...
Poor delivery
One of the most important things in a conversation is not what you say, but how you say it. A change in these habits can make a big difference since your voice and body language is a vital part of communication. Some things to think about:
- Slowing down
  When you get excited about something it’s easy to start talking faster and faster. Try and slow down. It will make it much easier for people to listen and for you actually get what you are saying across to them...
- Using pauses
  Slowing down your talking plus adding a small pause between thoughts or sentences creates a bit of tension and anticipation. People will start to listen more attentively to what you’re saying...
- Hogging the spot-light
  Everyone involved in a conversation should get their time in the spotlight. Don’t interrupt someone when they are telling some anecdote or their view on what you are discussing to divert the attention back to yourself...
Having to be right
Avoid arguing and having to being right about every topic. Often a conversation is not really a discussion. It’s a more of a way to keep a good mood going...
Talking about a weird or negative topic
If you’re at a party or somewhere were you are just getting to know some people you might want to avoid some topics...
Being boring
Don’t prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings. Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people. Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic is starting to run out of steam...
Not reciprocating
Open up and say what you think, share how you feel. If someone shares an experience, open up too and share one of your experiences. Don’t just stand there nodding and answer with short sentences. If someone is investing in the conversation they’d like you to invest too...
Not contributing much
You might feel that you don’t have much to contribute to a conversation. But try anyway. Really listen and be interested in what the others are saying. Ask questions. Make relating statements...

Read more here (above content is truncated): http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2006/11/05/do-you-make-these-10-mistakes-in-a-conversation/

A great list and I think "Not Listening" is one of the most common mistakes that can do the most damage. I know I've been guilty of most of these behaviors at some point in my career and on a personal level, but by continuing to read up on open communication, active listening, emotional intelligence and focusing on my own personal growth I believe I've grown into a much better communicator. Of course I still have much to learn as effective communication is one of the most difficult skills to master. The complete article is worth reading, comprehensive and well written with sensible, practical advice - check it out!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Leadership, Soft Skills, Communication Tips, Communication Barriers, Conversation Tips

Great list of ice breakers for more successful meetings, project kickoffs, brainstorming sessions, etc.

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 01:34:35 GMT

Meetings are about communication and there is no better way to get a group loosened up for a great discussion than the tried and true icebreaker. Jerry Manas at PMThink! recently posted on icebreakers with a link to a good list of online icebreaker resources, group activities, energizers and motivator activities. Here's a snip from Team Kickoffs: Breaking the Ice:

"Whether conducting a project kickoff, a seminar, or a training session, it's always fun to start with an ice breaker. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. I've seen ice breakers that were nothing more than a funny video, but served to loosen things up (nowadays that's pretty easy with YouTube, such as this one we posted on PMThink)."

Read more here: http://www.pmthink.com/2007/03/team-kickoffs-breaking-ice.htm

From the link in Jerry's post we find some excellent ice breaker resources:

Group Games and Icebreaker Activities Collection
http://www.group-games.com
Group Games and Icebreaker Activities Collection
A collection of over 25 (and growing) fun group games, teambuilding activities, and icebreakers. Useful for classrooms, youth groups, corporations, conferences, clubs, camps, churches, etc.
Structured Presentation Activities and Ice Breakers
http://www.johnsleigh.com.au/activities.htm
| Ice Breakers | Learn from Others | The Last Cab | Please Explain | The Poker Game | Overhead Questions | Simple Instructions | Developing a learning style survey | Getting to work on time | Word Power | Table Topics | Body Parts | Quick Sum | Read it and weep | What does good look like? | Furry Friends | Reward Poker | Martini Time | Which Card |
Simple, Easy Icebreakers
http://www.kiteline.com/Freebies/index.htm
Simple actitivities to jumpstart people's thoughts before your meetings or events.
Energizers
http://www.johnsleigh.com.au/energizers.htm
Energizers : Some short activities, ideal for defeating after lunch lethargy, breaking the ice or a seamless transition between subjects, also suitable for inclusion in speeches. But also a Caveat: make sure that the energizer matches the subject you are presenting. Don't use an ice breaker just because it looks good, use one that matches what you want to communicate.
Ice Breakers and Other Related Activities
http://www.llrx.com/columns/guide67.htm
Ice Breakers and Other Related Activities
Ice breakers are cool. They really do break the ice and create a warm ambience. Try to include them in the design and delivery of your training. They unleash surprising energy, improve group dynamics and help learners develop new competencies.
The Top 10 Icebreakers for Meetings and Training Seminars
http://www.topten.org/content/tt.AU20.htm
The Top 10 Icebreakers for Meetings and Training Seminars
Whether it is a small gathering at your home or a large training seminar, we all want to feel that we have established some commonality with our fellow attendees. By creating a warm, friendly, personal learning environment, the attendees will participate more and learn more!

Read more from the list of icebreakers - too many to list: http://www.shambles.net/pages/staff/icebreaker/

Note that wikipedia also has a few icebreakers on it's page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Icebreaker_%28facilitation%29, including The Ball Exercise, The Human Spiderweb and The Dvorak Challenge. I'm sure there are tons, way too many to list, of excellent resources but this should be a nice, healthy mix of icebreaker games and activities, motivators, energizers, team building activities, action-oriented games and more. Thanks to Jerry Manas for the reference to this great info!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Essentials, Icebreaker Tips, Icebreakers, meetings, Motivators, Energizers, Group Activities, Team Building, Icebreaker Activities, Training Activities

Communication Essentials: Seven steps to remarkable customer service

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 20:03:05 GMT

I recently did a brief post on Seth Godin's Apologies Ranked post and I just came across another excellent resource on the subject. This one is a post titled Seven steps to remarkable customer service from Joel Spolsky of Joel on Software fame. I liked this piece because the seven steps are practical and Spolsky does an excellent job of providing real world examples and details his own experience in discussing why each tip is valuable. Here's my favorite from the list:

2. Suggest blowing out the dust
Microsoft’s Raymond Chen tells the story of a customer who complains that the keyboard isn’t working. Of course, it’s unplugged. If you try asking them if it’s plugged in, “they will get all insulted and say indignantly, ‘Of course it is! Do I look like an idiot?’ without actually checking.”
“Instead,” Chen suggests, “say ‘Okay, sometimes the connection gets a little dusty and the connection gets weak. Could you unplug the connector, blow into it to get the dust out, then plug it back in?’
“They will then crawl under the desk, find that they forgot to plug it in (or plugged it into the wrong port), blow out the dust, plug it in, and reply, ‘Um, yeah, that fixed it, thanks.’”
Many requests for a customer to check something can be phrased this way. Instead of telling them to check a setting, tell them to change the setting and then change it back “just to make sure that the software writes out its settings.”

What a great idea! Difuse anger, egos and frustration with a creative solution like the one above instead of getting into an arguing match and leave the customer feeling satisfied and well taken care of!

Read more of this excellent post here: http://www.joelonsoftware.com/articles/customerservice.html

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Essentials, Communication Tips, Apologies, Customer Service

Communication Essentials: Apologies ranked from a customer service perspective

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 05:53:30 GMT

Seth Godin has a great post ranking types of apologies, from a customer service perspective. From Apologies Ranked:

There are many incorrect ways to formulate an apology, but only a few correct ones.
On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is best:

"You can always take your business elsewhere." (1): Thank you, I will, and so will all of my friends.
"It's not our fault." (2): This is a non-apology, where you are not seeking to redress the issue, nor evincing any sort of sympathy for the injured.
"We're sorry that you feel that way." (3): This is also a non-apology, which roughly translates into "It pisses us off that you feel that way. If you didn't feel that way, we would be happy." It also doesn't take any responsibility for the problem, and places all of it onto the injured party. Be careful of any apology that starts "I'm sorry that you..."

Read more here: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2007/02/apologies_ranke.html

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Essentials, Communication Tips, Apologies, Customer Service

Excellent communication post: "hmmm...how interesting..."

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 01:17:10 GMT

Kathy Sierra at Creating Passionate Users has another amusing and interesting post regarding a great communication tip. Two more words that might change your life (or at least your lunch hour) discusses how a simple phrase ("hmmm...how interesting...") can help you take a mental pause, stop & think before you speak, ignore annoying people, etc. It's a great topic and (as always) the comments following the post are just as worthy a read. Here's an snip:

Things I learned from my horse trainers #42: practice saying, "Hmmmm... how interesting." Say it when you're frustrated. Say it when you're mad. Most importantly, say it before you say or do anything else (including hit the "send" or "post" button).
It should be the first thing out of your mouth when things go wrong--or don't meet your expectations--because:
1) It inserts a pause and gives you a moment to think before you react.
2) It keeps you from taking things too personally
If someone calls you an idiot (or worse) saying "hmmm...how interesting..." changes your reaction from purely emotional to more curious and detached.
3) It helps you ask more questions instead of jump to conclusions.
With horses, the main goal of the "how interesting" technique is to keep you from losing patience and blaming the horse. If you say "how interesting," it helps you explore reasons, including what your own role in this might be. It makes problems feel more like puzzles.
Read more here: http://headrush.typepad.com/creating_passionate_users/2006/12/two_more_words_.html

A great communication tip and an easy way to teach yourself to take that mental pause. We usually feel the need to fill silence or gaps in conversations and that can rush your thoughts, perception, judgements, reactions, etc. Taking a moment to reflect and get a grip - whether your angry, frustrated, confused, hurt, overwhelmed, etc. - will allow you to respond more appropriately (hopefully, and that's not saying the phrase will reduce your urge to scream or run away). Thanks to Kathy Sierra for posting!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Essentials, Communication Tips, Leadership

Communication Barriers & Project Management

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 18:17:24 GMT

Anticlue has a good list of common communication barriers for project managers:

Misunderstanding other stakeholders' information needs – Misunderstanding commonly occurs when the project team doesn’t understand the informational needs of other stakeholders. In this situation, information can be distributed inappropriately and inconsistently.
Using media improperly – The media selected to communicate must be able to be used by all stakeholders and project team members. It does no good to send the Microsoft project version of the work break down structure when the team doesn’t understand how to read the project plan.
Isolating decision makers – The silo-ed decision maker can impede a successful project. Decision makers who isolate themselves or don’t respond to requests for information are a common communication barrier.
Misapplying policies and procedures – Team mates and stakeholders who don’t follow the prescribed communication policies and procedures create confusion. These communications are commonly incomplete containing inaccurate information and are directed to the incorrect audience.
Underestimating the importance of teamwork – Insensitivity to teamwork results in isolationists not distributing the information in a timely accurate way. A key signal that this problem exists is when team members don’t participate in team-building activities.
Read more here: http://www.anticlue.net/archives/000805.htm

Effective communication is one of the most important skills a PM should master. Thanks to Elyse and Anticlue for posting the useful tips. You might also check out my post: Overcoming Common Communication & Language Barriers. Enjoy!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Leadership, Soft Skills, Project Communication, Communication Barriers

3 Communication Tips For Better Communication During Conflict

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 04:21:55 GMT

Tammy Lenski has a post at Coachamatic called Three Conflict Hacks for a Less Difficult Conversation. If the title sounds confusing or you don't know what the term "hack" means in this instance, check out the intro to the post. Basically, it lays out three communication tips for better communication during conflict. I liked these tips because they are brief, sensible and easy to use:

Erase “yes, but” from your lexicon. “Yes, but” does nothing but demonstrate vividly that you aren’t really listening…you’re just waiting for the other person to close their mouth so that you can carry on with the “but” part of your message. It’s filler, and annoying filler at that, the same as saying “I agree” and then a split second later, “Well, not really, let me point out why my view is better…”
Toss “I hear you,” too. Why is it that the person sitting across the table who says, “I hear you,” doesn’t really seem to hear you at all? It’s throwaway language and irritating to the person who doesn’t think you do hear them. Instead of tired, useless words like these, just say what you heard. The other person will tell you if you got it right. If you did, great, you can move forward knowing you understand and the other person sees you were listening. If you didn’t get it right, no problem—the attempt will go a long way to cooling the others’ anger flames and you’ll have another chance to improve your understanding.
Count to Ten…Thousand. It turns out that mom may have had the right idea when she advised us to “count to 10″ before responding in a conflict. In disputes and other difficult conversations, our emotions can really swamp us. It’s called an emotional hijackings and just like a creek that’s swamped your back yard, your emotional swamp waters need real time to recede…at least 20 minutes, maybe more, of thinking about something else entirely. Staying in the conflict when you’re swamped means you’re going to struggle to function, and a short break isn’t enough to really get your balance back—and keep it.

Read more here: http://coachamatic.com/post/three-conflict-hacks-for-a-less-difficult-conversation/

The complete post is worth the read but these tips are the main take-away. What did you think or what would you add? I'd love to see a longer list or read a related post - if you have one to recommend let me know with a comment. Thanks!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Conflict Management, Communication Essentials, Communication Tips, Leadership, Difficult Conversations, Leadership & Management

Communication & Soft Skills: Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 00:51:51 GMT

There's a great article over at LeaderValues that most of us in the business world could benefit from reading: Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words. Considering that 93% of the message you convey is non-verbal, leaving only 7% for actual "words", we should be paying more attention to things like eye contact, facial expressions, posture, but how often do you hear about the subject? Here is an excerpt from the article by Lydia Ramsey with some good information on how to gain more control over our non-verbal message:

Has it ever occurred to you how much you are saying to people even when you are not speaking? Unless you are a master of disguise, you are constantly sending messages about your true thoughts and feelings whether you are using words or not.
Studies show that your words account for only 7% of the messages you convey. The remaining 93% is non-verbal. 55% of communication is based on what people see and the other 38% is transmitted through tone of voice. So think about it. In the business setting, people can see what you are not saying. If your body language doesn't match your words, you are wasting your time.
Eye contact is the most obvious way you communicate. When you are looking at the other person, you show interest. When you fail to make eye contact, you give the impression that the other person is of no importance. Maintain eye contact about 60% of the time in order to look interested, but not aggressive.
Facial expression is another form of non-verbal communication. A smile sends a positive message and is appropriate in all but a life and death situation. Smiling adds warmth and an aura of confidence. Others will be more receptive if you remember to check your expression.
Your mouth gives clues, too, and not just when you are speaking. Mouth movements, such as pursing your lips or twisting them to one side, can indicate that you are thinking about what you are hearing or that you are holding something back.
The position of your head speaks to people. Keeping your head straight, which is not the same as keeping your head on straight, will make you appear self-assured and authoritative. People will take you seriously. Tilt your head to one side if you want to come across as friendly and open.
How receptive you are is suggested by where you place your arms. Arms crossed or folded over your chest say that you have shut other people out and have no interest in them or what they are saying. This position can also say, "I don't agree with you." You might just be cold, but unless you shiver at the same time, the person in front of you may get the wrong message.
How you use your arms can help or hurt your image as well. Waving them about may show enthusiasm to some, but others see this gesture as one of uncertainty and immaturity. The best place for your arms is by your side. You will look confident and relaxed. If this is hard for you, do what you always do when you want to get better at something - practice. After a while, it will feel natural.
Read more here: http://www.leader-values.com/Content/detail.asp?ContentDetailID=902

What three things do you think you need to work on? I didn't know it, but apparently I'm a face-maker. I think I'm handling things fine and someone at work will ask "why are you making that face?", after a frustrating meeting. I'll come home and think I'm in a fine mood and my girl tells me "you've got that 'face' on again". Well, at least I know I need to work a bit more on controlling my facial expressions - along with controlling my hands and legs (I know it's distracting but I'm a drummer and I can't help but tap-tap-boom/boom-tap)! Thanks to Lydia Ramsey and LeaderValues for the great article!

posted by Raven at Raven's Brain under Communication Essentials

Tags: Communication Skills, Effective Communication, Leadership, Soft Skills, Body Language